Lessons from The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse
As for reflecting on it, I think each time I have read this book, something new struck me as the most meaningful parable. I guess it depends on the headspace you are in whenever you read something, and how it will stick with you at that point in time. In addition to doing some internal reflecting, I thought this would be a good opportunity to hopefully jumpstart another personal passion of mine that I have gotten away from in recent years, which is writing. So here we are! Thanks for joining me. Below are five brief excerpts from my new favorite book, and some quick thoughts on each.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Kind.
This one really struck me because this year in addition to reading this book on my own, I also read it to my sons. Jack (our first-born, 3.5 years old) is now at an age that he can follow along with stories that are a little longer than Goodnight Moon, and can digest what is going on and take stuff away. When he joined this world and made my wife Aly and I parents, one of the things we both wanted for him was just to be kind. I want my kids to have good manners, I want them to be nice to others, but I also want to raise them in a way that they aren't just good-mannered and nice, but also kind. That takes more work and dedication for us as parents, but also can be one of the most influential things we can do for him is to model kindness and instill it in him as a little human being. I believe we are on the right path.
---
What do you think is the biggest waste of time?
Comparing yourself to others.
This is a lesson I wish I would have learned a little earlier in life. It is simple, but also easier said than done. In life, we are sometimes inclined to measure our own path to success against the path of others, and that can be dangerous, especially when you maybe aren't at the point in your journey you think you should be. This can be related to career steps, milestones such as marriage or parenthood, materialistic measures of success or even fitness. You look at yourself and may be ok with where you are at, but then think, But man, wouldn't it be great to be where THAT person is. I know for myself, living in this state of mind was and is toxic. For me personally, I saw friends of mine becoming Dads before me. And that killed me. I was happy for others, but as I entered my mid-30s and that hadn't yet happened for me, it sometimes sent me into a bad place.
Now? Not to say I don't compare myself to others in some ways, that would be a lie. But now I can't imagine my parenthood journey going any other way. I was meant to become a Dad when I did, and anything that happened to me in my life (including the delayed parenthood I didn't ask for) helped prepare me for the role I play now in Jack and Bobby's life. So while I have come to terms with not comparing myself to others in this aspect of life, it is still something I need to be mindful of and apply in other areas of my life.
---
One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.
Sometimes in life, stuff happens (we'll keep the wording PG here). Oftentimes, the stuff that happens is undesirable. Personal or professional setbacks can be challenging, traumatic, and hard to overcome. And this isn't just a directive here to 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' or 'turn lemons into lemonade'. Sometimes, those are appropriate responses and the way to approach things. And sometimes, you need to wallow a bit in the 'stuff' that life throws you.
But at some point, you do have an opportunity, a freedom, to choose how you react to that stuff. I think a certain amount of venting, of purging negativity, of acknowledging the crappy situation, is healthy. However the point does come when it's unhealthy to continue to wallow, and you need to choose your attitude and react in a way that is more positive and productive.
For me, some stuff I had to react to in the last few years was a professional setback. I was laid off as part of a restructuring from an employer I had worked for for ten years. For me, this was personally devastating. At times in my career, I prioritized work too much, and probably became too attached personally to the work that I did. Still, I was passionate about my work and the place I worked. It was my alma mater, a place where I developed lifelong friendships, met my wife, and created countless memories. So when I was laid off, boy did that stink. And I probably lived in that crappy place for too long. I was angry, felt sorry for myself, and I'm sure was tiresome to talk to. At some point, I had to say Enough... this sucked, but I can't live in this place anymore. It helped me to share that with my wife and a few close friends, and to shift my focus to more important things.
---
Is your glass half empty or half full?
I think I am grateful to have a glass.
This is a good transition here. I consider myself to be optimistic, but some life events (such as the layoff) have moved me for long periods of time into a glass half empty frame of mind. In the long run though, there are half full days, half empty days, and some days that the glass feels both. In all though, I am grateful to have a glass.
I recognize my good fortune, I recognize my privileges, and I accept that even the stuff I have encountered was in some way, shape or form a blessing in disguise. Even if I didn't realize it then or don't fully understand it yet. I am grateful to have a glass though.
The start of 2023 hasn't been ideal. The Covid monster struck our house between the holidays, and my car also decided to make some strange noises one day, and then not start after that. Awesome. The new year has already brought some half empty days. But maybe I just needed some perspective.
For Christmas, my wife got me a daily calendar called 'Anxious for Nothing', also a book by Max Lucado. Anxiety is something I live with more than I'd like to admit, and this calendar's daily reminders have so far been breaths of fresh air. Yesterday's was something I felt the need to send to Aly. It read,
Brothers and sisters, think about the things that are good and worthy of praise. Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected. (Philippians 4:8)
I needed this on that day. At a time when health and financial setbacks made me feel half-empty, it was the reminder that I should be grateful to have a glass. There is so much to be thankful for in my life, even when the stuff seems to come in droves.
---
Don't measure how valuable you are by the way you are treated.
I'll keep this last one short and sweet. If someone isn't treating you with value, it is likely more about them than it is about you. Even if they aren't showing compassion with you, you can show it with them... and with yourself. While it isn't fun to be treated in a way that doesn't make you feel valuable, your worth isn't tied to someone else's actions. Another person may be going through their own stuff and it impacts their actions. It may be a time where you go through a series of glass half empty scenarios and you need to show gratitude for your own glass. And life just may not seem fair. But that doesn't take away your own value.
If you are confident that you deserve better treatment, continue to be confident in yourself. And if you struggle with valuing yourself and find yourself as your own worst enemy (been there, not fun), try to give yourself some grace. We're often more valuable than we give ourselves credit for.
---
And that's a wrap on my first blog entry/book review/attempt to get back into writing for 2023. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. And if these quick little lessons leave you wanting more, I recommend purchasing a copy of the book for yourself ($12 on Amazon, but also check out your local bookstores).
Cheers to the new year, and to hopefully more writing to come!
Slainte,
Gary
Comments